2 Divorces Give 1 Attorney a Unique View on Asset Splits

(P1) For a growing number of Americans over 50, the dissolution of a long-term marriage is upending retirement plans and forcing a difficult reappraisal of personal assets. This trend, often called "gray divorce," brings unique financial challenges, a reality that Indiana family law attorney Dana Eberle, 56, understands from two distinct perspectives: as a legal professional and as a client who has navigated the process twice.

(P2) "This is an emotional process and I’m here to get you through it," Eberle, an attorney at CLLB Law in New Albany, tells clients. "Having gone through two divorces herself, I feel I bring a special nuance to my family law cases," her firm's biography states, a credential she leans on to guide clients through the financial and emotional turmoil of a split.

(P3) While high-conflict courtroom battles dominate popular perception, data shows that between 90 and 95 percent of divorce cases are settled out of court. These settlements often involve complex negotiations over the division of property, spousal support, and retirement assets accumulated over decades. In community property states like California, assets acquired during a marriage are generally split 50/50, while assets owned before the marriage can remain separate property, according to legal experts.

(P4) The financial stakes are particularly high for older couples who have less time to rebuild their nest eggs. A divorce can significantly impact Social Security benefits and long-term care plans, making amicable settlements that preserve wealth not just a preference but a financial necessity. For many, the goal shifts from "winning" to ensuring both parties can launch their new, separate lives on sound economic footing.

A Tale of Two Divorces

Eberle’s own life provides a stark contrast in outcomes. Her first divorce, 18 years ago, was a contentious custody battle that left her and her ex-husband not speaking for nearly two decades. "I got lectured about why I shouldn’t pick that fight or I should just let that go," she recalled of the experience with her first lawyer. The emotional and financial strain eventually led her to pursue a law degree at age 43.

Her second divorce, finalized in 2023, was the model of a collaborative split. She represented herself and helped her unrepresented, disabled ex-husband secure a settlement that wouldn't compromise his benefits. "The last thing I wanted was for him to feel like he needed to get a lawyer to protect himself from me," Eberle says. Her ex-husband, Perry Peay, 66, said not hiring his own attorney was an easy choice. "I recommend her to anybody because she is damn good at what she does," Peay said.

The 90 Percent Settlement Reality

Eberle’s experience reflects the broader reality that most divorces end in settlement, not a trial. Parties often settle because they run out of money for litigation, realize their chances of prevailing are slim, or simply want to move on, according to legal analysis. In these private negotiations, accountability for prior "bad acts" is often waived in favor of a final resolution.

This is especially true in "gray divorces," where the focus is less on retribution and more on the practical division of a lifetime's worth of assets. For couples who have been married for decades, untangling finances can be a significant challenge. A prenuptial agreement can control the division of assets, but even then, states may have specific rules regarding spousal rights to a percentage of assets, including those passing by beneficiary designation.

The process is not about revenge, but rehabilitation. It is a means of separating and providing financial support so both parties can "move on to a happier, more secure place," as one legal commentator puts it. For Eberle, that means using her dual experience to help clients avoid the protracted conflict she first endured and aim for the "nice and smooth" model she achieved the second time around.

This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute investment advice.