A wide gap separates what parents plan to leave and what adult children expect to receive, and advisers say starting inheritance conversations early — before a health crisis forces the issue — is key to avoiding family conflict.
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How to Talk to Adult Kids About a $105 Trillion Inheritance
Most U.S. parents 55 and older never talk to their children about money, a silence that estate-planning advisers warn will collide with the roughly $105 trillion expected to pass to heirs through 2048.
"I have seen many families really struggle, be torn apart due to surprises about things that came out after people passed away," said Ruschelle Khana, a therapist with 25 years of experience working with high-net-worth families and author of "Inherited Trauma and Family Wealth."
Cerulli Associates projects $105 trillion will pass to heirs through 2048, with another $18 trillion going to charity. Exclude the top 1 percent and an estimated $36 trillion still transfers from baby boomers to Gen X and millennial children over the next two decades, according to Visa Business and Economic Insights. The expectation gap is wide: nearly half of parents expect to leave money or assets to loved ones, but only about one-fourth of adult children expect to receive an inheritance, the Kiplinger–Morning Consult survey found.
Avoiding the conversation leaves heirs unprepared to manage sudden wealth and families exposed to disputes when assets change hands, advisers say. Estate-planning attorneys recommend drafting a will or trust and holding family meetings before a health crisis or death forces the issue.
Why Silence Carries a Cost
Dying without estate-planning documents such as a will or trust means state law decides how assets are distributed, said Michael Whitty, an estate-planning attorney at Smith, Gambrill and Russell in Chicago. "People of all net worths ought to have a plan," he said. "Even if they are of very modest means, they should have at least a will." Online services such as LegalZoom, Trust & Will and Quicken WillMaker & Trust offer low-cost options, though Whitty advises working with a professional who can tailor documents to individual wishes.
A plan alone is not enough. "One of the biggest mistakes is not communicating with your children or asking your advisers to communicate on your behalf," said Dawn Jinsky, a partner with Plante Moran Wealth Management in Ann Arbor, Michigan. "They need to hear it from you." Without that, children may assume parents do not trust them with money, or they may build careers and marriages around unrealistic expectations of what they will inherit.
Start Early, Share Selectively
The families that handle inheritance best begin conversations when children are young, Khana said. Elementary-school talks can cover family values and money basics; as children mature, parents can introduce goals for their wealth and, eventually, details of their estate plan. Parents who missed earlier chances should not assume it is too late — discussions with adult children remain essential as long as they happen before a crisis.
Full disclosure of dollar amounts is rarely required. Sandi Bragar, chief client officer at wealth management firm Aspiriant in San Francisco, advises parents to first decide how they want their family to think about the wealth that will be left. David Russell, a wealth adviser at Argent Trust, runs "who does what when" meetings with clients and their children, listing the people involved in their finances, the role each plays and when — a structure that keeps emotions in check without revealing balances.
Jinsky cautions that full transparency is warranted in specific cases, such as when a child is legally appointed to manage assets after a parent dies. "If you're in your eighties and your child is the trustee, that is a pull-the-curtain-and-share-everything moment," she said. Knowing broad ranges can also help adult children make informed financial and estate-planning decisions of their own, Whitty said.
When siblings get along, a family meeting with all children can explain uneven distributions or gifts to charity. Where resentment or in-fighting exists, individual conversations or a mediated session with an attorney, adviser or therapist may work better, Khana said. Written letters offer another route for children unwilling to engage because of fears about aging and death.
The stakes extend beyond money. Joseph Moore, author of "How to Get Rich in American History: 300 Years of Financial Advice That Worked (& Didn't)," has built a multiphase plan for his two daughters, now 13 and 6, teaching money skills early and explaining which opportunities he will fund before sharing asset details. "I'd much rather them be handed these things in phases than think that there's some huge pot of gold that they're going to get at my demise," he said. The real inheritance, he argues, is competence: "That to me is the lesson of history, that competence outperforms trust funds."
This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. Figures cited reflect sources as of September 2026; readers should verify current rules and figures against the latest official announcements and consult a qualified adviser for personalized guidance.
